11 things that I learnt at the beach

I’ve been trying to start writing again on the blog that I earnestly started over a year ago, but failed to come up with any subject strong enough to make me stop checking my phone every five minutes and actually get down to writing. I also went to Andaman on a much needed vacation recently, and what better way to resuscitate your blog than to humble-brag about your beach vacation?

In between standing with my feet in the water and splashing my friends, I realized some new (and not so new) things at the beach, and am now dutifully listing them down. This post talks about beaches, is made up of a list (so is everything else on the Internet right now) and has a bit of self-realization thrown in. Now if only I could work some cats into this post, it would be sure-fire viral material. Too bad cats hate water and wouldn't come anywhere near a beach. Sigh.

1.        Beaches are awesome!

Didn’t I say I learnt some not so new things? This is the first. Well, I know some of us aren’t water people, whatever that’s supposed to mean. But I’m yet to see a person who gets sad or angry whenever they see a spectacular beach. It’s even more difficult to be depressed when you see small kids building sand castles (and you ‘accidentally’ walk over them). Another beach ritual is to be mock angry when someone dunks you in water, all while having the time of your life. Turns out, the people who turned natural phenomena like sand and waves and salty water into a billion dollar tourism industry knew what they were doing, and any money spent to get closer to the beach is money well spent.

2.       It doesn’t matter what you look like, as long as you’re having fun

You know what the magazine centre spreads with models looking stunning on a beach do? THEY LIE. If you behave at the beach like you’re supposed to, you can’t look well turned out for too long. It’s very difficult to look good while covered in sand with your wet hair plastered across your face, but going ahead and looking that way is a great way to get rid of your vanity. Because when you’re having enough fun, it ceases to matter. Yes, it may come in your way if you look like a red faced Uakari while trying to catch the eye of that buff foreigner, but a happy face is any day more stare worthy than a grumpy good looking one. Trust me.

3.       Put away your camera

This is a corollary of the above point. You know how we’ve been blasted with the phrase ‘It’s not about the number of breaths in your life, it’s about the moments that take your breath away’? Well I’ve made a new one- ‘It’s not about how many beautiful photographs you take, it’s about having such a good time that you forget to take photos’. Yes, chronicling your super amazing life, and especially your expensive vacation may seem like a good idea, but you’re never going to go back and see most of the photos that you click anyway. At best, these pictures will spend the rest of their days attention-whoring in a Facebook album called ‘SuN, sAnd & sUrF’. So don’t be afraid to get wet just because you have a camera in your hand. Toss that camera aside, I’m sure it will make a soft landing on the sand. Really look at the place you’re in, and get soaked in the beauty of a new place. If it’s important enough, your brain will remember it without a watered down virtual copy.

4.       It’s OK to let go of control sometimes.

Waves are arguably the best part about beaches. But if you notice, they also tend to have a mind of their own. At times when I didn't want my clothes to get wet, I've actually specified the length of my shorts to the sea OUT LOUD and asked the waves not to get higher than that. Ummm...did I say I did that? I meant my friend. Anyway, that obviously didn't happen and the waves crashed into the beach without worrying about a puny human’s sartorial problems. Once you get in, the water tumbles you around like a washing machine and destroys your attempts at looking halfway graceful, and that’s when it hits you- go with the flow! Stop trying to control the water, or anything else. Just tweak your reactions to the ebb and flow, and who knows, one day you’ll be the one riding the (metaphorical) waves confidently.

5.       Waves can also teach you a lot.

Speaking of waves, I realized that there is a lot to be learnt from them. They certainly look beautiful, the surf looking like a million white centipedes rushing towards the beach just for you. But they also tell you that no matter what, it’s very important to keep doing your job, to persevere. Regardless of whether anyone’s watching, regardless of whether you end up on a powdery soft beach or on jagged rocks, you just have to keep doing what you have to. Observe. When a wave has had its time in the sun (on the beach actually) it rushes back to the sea. In the process, it also sometimes pulls down a new wave excitedly rushing towards the shore. Chances are, you and I will meet such people in your life too, but when I do, I’ll think of the waves and get back to work.

6.       Crabs are inspiration, not food

I know being a vegetarian and half a Cancerian has probably clouded my vision, but I think crabs are brilliant creatures that should be looked at, and not just when they’re on your dinner table doused in garlic butter. Sit down on the beach and take a look at them. They can be colourful or camouflaged by the sand and difficult to spot, but it’ll be worth it. They go about their business, ignorant of the flock of tourists encroaching on their space. Crabs always walk sideways, going back and forth till they get what they want. They will tease the edge of water, but will not get pulled in by the waves unless they want to. And once they find something they like, they grab hold with their pincers and never let go. If only more people learnt something from crabs than the taste of their meat.

7.       Couples are like crabs.

Phoebe from FRIENDS taught us that lovers are like lobsters. Wrong. Truth is, lovers, especially those on their honeymoon, are like crabs. They will spot you, give you sideways glances and sneak up on you, before finally pouncing on you with ‘Can you click a photo of us’? I have met enough such bashful couples to know that in a few years, ‘Honeymoon photo clickers’ will be a real career (Remember you heard it here first). You just have to be discreet, ever vigilant not to miss a moment, and have a stomach that can stand PDA. So when you go to the beach, remember to stock up on your good karma by being a capturer of young love. I have.

8.       Sunscreen is a waste of money

And I have the burnt skin to show for it. No matter how much SPF and UVA and UVB protection it contains, your sunscreen is no match for the sun and salty water. One dunk in the ocean and all the promises of your sunscreen being waterproof are washed away (pun intended). So put the time you waste slathering sunscreen to better use, and embrace the tan that a day out will give you. I don’t know what’s not to love about a little colour anyway. A tan is like a hickey from the sun, proof that you had a good time with a star- so it’s best to show it off. Until your skin starts peeling off like a snake’s, that is.

9.       Beaches are the best solutions for your inhibitions.

There is a reason why there are topless and nude beaches and not nude desert and jungle safaris. There is something about the setting that makes people get rid of their inhibitions. Whether it is the babe in the bikini tanning herself on the sand, or the portly uncle who weighs down the waves in just a pair of shorts, beaches and hesitation don’t mix. Even conservative ladies in salwar kameezes gigglingly dare to pull up their salwars after some encouragement, something that they wouldn’t dream of doing anywhere else.

10.   Also, your hang ups don’t stand a chance.

Germophobes and OCD people, beaches are no place for you. Even if you have a lot of hang ups about everything else in life, the ocean cares two hoots about what’s acceptable to you and what’s not. I’m  a carrier of enough hang ups to know about this stuff. You can drink all the mineral water you want, but a little sea water of questionable origin and composition is going to sneak into your mouth anyway. There’s nothing you can do about it. And after you get sand EVERYWHERE, all your insistence on a hot water tub will melt away as you gladly rush towards a cold shower.

P.S. – The humble hotel soap that we look down upon is actually not quite so bad, when your fancy gel douche decides to actually act like a douche bag and not lather up.

11.   Company matters

This one is true for everywhere in the world, but especially on the beach. It is great to have fun in the sand with beach junkies, but looking at your not-so-water-friendly companion test the shallow waters (literally) is priceless. With the right people, any place can turn into a party in no time, and the bonds formed on a beach are forever. And above all, it is necessary to enjoy your own company when you sit alone in the sand after the fun is had, and not feel lonely when you have only the sand and the sound of waves for company. This is what you will take back from the beach, along with pocketfuls of the sneaky sand that is impossible to get rid of, which will keep reminding you of the ocean when you’re back home.