I Won’t Love You…

I won’t love you…

I won’t love you in all the ways that you have been taught till now,

By books, by movies, by rumoured tales of happy endings that have floated your way in long forgotten conversations.

I won’t be the girl that dreams are made of, for I’d rather live our time together with eyes wide open.

I won’t blush, I won’t be coy. I won’t lower my eyelashes when you give me ‘that’ smile.

I won’t wait for your gaze to turn my way, and forget to breathe when it isn't.

I won’t miss you, or at least won’t tell you that I do.

I won’t whisper sweet nothings in your ear, because they are for people who don’t have enough things to say to each other.

I won’t gaze into your eyes lovingly when a camera is trained on us, even though manufactured magical moments on red carpets tell us that I should.

I won’t tell you that I love you, for my tongue is sure to stumble and trip over the words.

I won’t complete you; neither will I let you do that for me.

I won’t hold on for dear life to your attention, for that’s not love, that’s fear.

When you’re gone, for however short a period of time, you won’t see me shed a tear.

I won’t wheedle you into buying me stuff, and pass it off as the trait, and the right, of a woman in love.

I won't let my smile differ from when we eat roadside chaat to when we dine at places of acclaim,

For as long as it's with you, it's all the same.

I won’t tell our tales to my giddy, giggly friends, so you’ll have to pardon me if the wonders of you don’t reach many ears.

I won’t get jealous when you fancy someone else, and dare you take it as a proof of my detachment.

I won’t shout from the physical or virtual rooftops that you’re mine.

For the world will ‘like’ it and make it mundane, a word which I won’t let our love define.

I won’t ask you to pull my chairs or steady my step, and I won’t let you pick up my luggage.

I won’t pretend to be weak just to make you feel strong, that’s just wrong.

I won’t call you perfect, nor hold you to perfection’s boring, stifling standards.

I won’t make you the centre of my Universe. Trust me, you don’t want that kind of attention!

I won’t…for the life of me, say that 'You are my life'.

And it would be over my dead body that I say ‘I’d die without you’. (How ironic!)

I won’t stop you if you leave me, nor entreat you to stay.

I won’t fight for your love, because how can I fight against you for ‘us’?

I won’t try to bind you for a lifetime with a contract. No, no threats, enticements or guarantees will make their way to you.

I won’t barter with you- no gifts in exchange for love, no trading diamonds for a missed birthday, and no vacations for forgiving transgressions.

I won’t look to you for my solutions or miracles, nor will seek solace in your arms from the big bad world.

You are human too, and you’re mine.

What I will do is love you, without saying it enough to dull its impact.

What I will do is call you silly names, and leave you to decide if it’s a term of endearment, or irritation.

I will match you gaze for gaze as we look together towards the future, our future.

I will take long walks on the beach with you, and turn them into impromptu races which you’ll let me win :)

I will make a world for you, and hide its key from the world forever.

What I will do is let you make mistakes, and take immense joy in correcting you with a haughty sparkle in my eye.

I will watch every day as your imperfections fall away, revealing more delicious imperfections inside.

On overcast nights, I will use your fingers and mine to tell you all the ways in which you are magnificent, ways which still haven't been unearthed by you.

I will read with you and pick your brain, wanting to know everything there is to you.

I will never let you run out of your favourite perfume, because I'll love the way it smells too.

I will leave you be in a roomful of people, needing no anchor tying you to me,

And every time someone makes you laugh, I'll pray for him to the powers that be.

I will bask in your successes but they will only be yours; and battle with your failures, which will always be ours.

I will laugh at all your jokes, yes, even the lame ones, and hope that you didn't see the eye roll at the end of the giggle.

I will be a goofball till you guffaw and wonder where you got me from, and then trace our steps back to where you actually did.

I will let you be your own person and I will be mine, because really, how tragic do two incomplete souls sound?

I will let you out in the world to fight your own battles, and the ones that hurt you; I will gladly destroy them for you.

I will share the burden of wooing and take you out for a night on the town,

And I will knowingly totter in high heels just to clutch your arm a little tighter lest I fall down.

I will tell you that I want a reflection of your nose or your hair in the faces of my children,

Right before knocking down the bedside table lamp during our pillow fight.

On the days when you aren't around, I will get on with my life, safe in the knowledge that you will find your way back to me.

And if you don’t, I will still wish you all the happiness in the world.

I will keep you in my prayers till the end of time,

Because you are human too, and you are mine.